I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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