Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
