there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
