Small penises have feelings too.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
