Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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