omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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