If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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