I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
