Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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