dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
