i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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