Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
