guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
