I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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