The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
