hell yes lets make some ravioli
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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