Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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