I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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