my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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