He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
