hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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