I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
