what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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