Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How external is "for external use only"?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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