I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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