I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
