i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
