I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs