I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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