Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object