I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
