Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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