By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
