i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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