i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
