i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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