haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
