I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
