Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
