i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
