By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
