Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
