Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
