he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
