i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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