Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
