just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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