apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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