We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
