Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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