Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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