No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
