....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
