She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
