So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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