hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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