i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
