i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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