3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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