I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
