i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
