I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
