So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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