i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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